her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
