One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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