I hate all girls vehemently.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
