so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to make out with him forever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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