Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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