I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
