I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
