its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
