oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
