pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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