I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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