1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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