hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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