I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The uberlube is also flammable
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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