Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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