You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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