I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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