i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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