And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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