yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
