I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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