I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize