i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
