Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
