Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you never un-have a 4some
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
