I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
