well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
