I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
