It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
