He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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