I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
