I just threw up on my dentist
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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