I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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