dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
