I'm eating all of the evidence.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
