WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
