just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
