Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
