i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
