I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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