Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
