when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
