My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
