Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
