That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
