Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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