bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
