My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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