Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
