before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need water and some morals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
