just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
