She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
