It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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