i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
