Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
