chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
