am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
