I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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