ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
