Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
