I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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