I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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