Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
