ugly people sure do ruin things
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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