i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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