Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
