what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
