she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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