No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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