The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
