Duck Duck Cougar?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
