is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
