I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
