you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think i got beer on your cat.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
