had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
