You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize